LillaDreaming The Darker Side of Sex ..
February 14th 2007 11:17
For most of us, when first we dream of strange sexual encounters amidst the Dark side of Sex, most likely going way beyond our waking experiences, we can often become confused and disoriented… and be excused for thinking we’re in the middle of a nightmare…
Let’s face it, those wierd sexual dreams are often so bizarre and obscure, they leave us … well, quite frankly? ... embarrased and confused.
There are however, rational explanations for these bizarre encounters, which leave you shaken and not stirred (like a Bond Martini). Hopefully this list will shed some light for those of you wondering just what it all means, and why you had them in the first place?
Do let me know if you find it useful (without specifics)... unless there is something not on the list, then feel free to ask for interpretation ...
~oOo~
Adultery in dreams where you commit adultery or have an affair, can be an indication of self-betrayal from your subconscious. It can often indicate that you will be entangled in a situation that is not in your best interest, perhaps even illegal.
To dream that your mate, spouse, or significant other is cheating on you, indicates your fears of being abandoned. You may feel some lack of attention in the relationship.
Alternatively, you may feel that you are not measuring up to the expectations of others.
To dream that you are committing adultery with your spouse's friend, denotes that you are feeling neglected by your spouse.
AIDS – in dreams is a symbol that that your psychological integrity is being attacked. You are unable to defend your position in some matter in the waking world and need to remedy the situation.
To dream that your friend has AIDS, suggests a warning that this relationship may be a destructive one. Take note of sacrifices you are making to continue the friendship and at what cost to your self esteem?
Anal Sex - (specific, graphic) represents submission. You may be afraid to yield to the wants and desires of others and as yet, have to come to terms with your own sexuality and perhaps that of a partners. Are you sure you are compatable?
Bisexual - If you are not bisexual in your waking life, then this dream often simply indicates some form of sexual repression. You may be trying to compensate for your lack of sexual expression.
Alternatively, it may represent general sexual confusion.
Take some time to get to know yourself, sexually. What turns you on?
Blood in any dream is a very sad omen as it signifies the essence of life and signifies dissapointments and often herald unfortunate love affairs. (see ‘M’ for Dreams of Menstruation).
Bondage – Again a dream of fears of submission to a greater force.
Buttocks – (general non-specific) visible and obvious in a dream often represent humility and stupidity. You may well need to forgive someone, or yourself?
Choking (as in being attacked, sexually and choked) – Restricted Communication with a loved one. Afraid to say something?
Cross-Dressing - you or someone else, indicates that you need to express and acknowledge your assertive (masculine) traits, if you are female; or your More reserved (feminine) side, if you are a man.
Sexual Danger – To be sexually or morally in danger in a dream indicates you are in going through a fear of losing part of yourself to the change that is taking place in your relationship.
Fetishes – in dreams signify a lack of maturity or capabilities. It may also be symbolic of a fear of that same thing.
Genitals – (mutilated) in dreams relates to past or present abuse and your need to start to deal with it.
Herpes and Sexual Rashes - in dreams refers directly to your sexual anxiety and worries. Perhaps you have practiced unsafe sex and are expressing your regrets?
High Heels – in dreams is a sign that you may be contemplating a sexual invitation. Glamour, flirtation are all indicated here and alluring?
Homosexual Dreams - To dream that you are homosexual (but you are not in your waking life), represents a union with certain aspects of yourself is taking place. It is symbolic of self-love, self-acceptance, and compassion (and passion). If, in your dream, you are not comfortable with homosexuality, then it suggests some fears/anxieties about your masculinity (if you are male) and femininity (if you are female). You may be experiencing some insecurity in your relations with the opposite sex.
To dream that a guy you like in real life is gay, represents your anxieties and fears that he won't like you back. If he was gay, then it would be easier to dismiss your feelings for him. And it would be easier for you to say that you have no chance with him.
NB: It is common for expectant fathers to have dreams of homosexual encounters.
If you are homosexual in your waking life, then the dream is simply a reflection of your own self.
Impotence – in a dream is almost as debilitating as in waking life. But in a dream it only reflects the fear of losing power, not the actual losing of it. Maybe you are afraid that you won't measure up to a particular person or task in your life. A more direct interpretation suggest that you may be having problems with sex in your waking life, but this dream allows you to take stock and work through that fear.
Incest - If this dream relates to real-life experiences with incest, then you need to seek professional advice or counselling.
However, to dream of incestuous practices, when not related to real life experiences, signifies erotic desires. It may also appear when integrating certain aspects of yourself.
Incestuous dreams can appear when you are in a phase in your life where you are not quite a child and not quite an adult, and thus this dream may be symbolic of the merging of the child and adult within yourself.
Infidelity – is a common dream (either by you or someone else), forewarns of your actions with the opposite sex or you will suffer dire consequences. To have this dream may indicate that you are harbouring guilt over a sexual relationship.
Alternatively, you may feel unsatisfied with your current relationship and want to seek a more exotic sex life. This dream will emerge repeatedly, if this is the case.
Kissing strange partners – in dreams has many meanings;
To dream that you are kissing someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend, indicates your wish to be in a relationship and to experience the energy of love. You may be sexually acting out and desire to awaken your passion with that person. Alternatively, it indicates a lack of integrity on your part.
If you are kissing a close friend, then it represents your respect and adoration for your friend. You are seeking some intimate closeness that is lacking in some waking relationship. It may or may not signify a romantic interest for him or her.
To dream of kissing an enemy, signifies betrayal, hostility, or reconciliation with an angry friend. Consider also the saying "this kiss of death". If you are kissed by a stranger, then your dream is one of self-discovery. You need to get more acquainted with some aspect of yourself.
Masochism – in your dreams, suggests your need to experience and feel things at an extreme level. Alternatively, you are sacrificing yourself because you feel that you must suffer for your past mistakes?
To be forced into forbidden territory is common for both sexes who have a desire to be sexually overpowered, but not hurt.
Menstruation - This is a dream to the creative side of ourselves. Often it heralds the conception of new ideas where we can create "new wonderful children' out of new ideas.
In a woman's dream - it signifies her acceptance of her own emerging sexuality and the new creative power that goes with it.
In a man's dream - however, it often serves as an alert to his fear of relationships and union with the feminine partner, of losing himself.
Oral Sex – (forced) – indicates that you want to receive a gift or pleasure that is not forth coming and that you often tend to seek gratification and pleasure before business. Your life may need more discipline?
To Dream of Orgasm – is a pure and simple indication that you have completed a cycle in your life.
Orgy – this dream often denotes a desire to explore the option of multiple partners.
Pervert or stalker - in your dream, suggests that you are having issues with closeness in some relationship. Are you trying to keep your distance and avoid getting hurt because of past experiences?
Prostitue – Dreaming of a prostitute usually signifies a sexual need of some kind…
In a man’s dream – it signify’s his need for a relationship at any cost. He should be patient in order to attract the right female.
In a woman’s dream – it suggests her own need for sexual freedom.
To be paying a prostitute – suggests that the dreamer does not trust his or her own sexual abilities.
To be paid for sexual act of prostitution – suggests we feel that our relationships will cost us dearly.
In all cases there is some fear associated with loving relationships. But it’s about accepting each others values also in spiritual ways, regardless of profession.
Rape – often bordering on a nightmare, to dream that you have been raped, suggests a sadistic expression of sexual desire, can indicate vengeful feelings toward the opposite sex.
Be aware you may be simply exploring an unconscious desire to be violated, conquered, or forced into forbidden territory, at someone’s suggestion?
Alternatively, it can suggest that you are feeling violated in some way. Is something or someone jeopardizing your self-esteem and emotional well-being, pushing you into sexual practicies that you do not feel ready to explore?
Dreams of rape are also common for those who were actually raped in their waking life and counselling should be sought. In this situation this dream reoccuring can signify the biginning of a healing phase.
Stabbing your rapist in the dream – indicates a fear of betrayal at uniting with someone. You need to learn (and practice) trust.
To see a rape being committed in your dream, denotes sexual dysfunction or uncertainty. You need to take time out from your sexual relationship to reassess your position, honest desires and sexual compatibility.
Sadism – in your dreams indicates repressed anger, often from childhood. You may be trying to punish yourself for your misdeeds or past actions by punishing others.
Shock – in dreams signifies a need to awaken and become aware of Who is around you?
Spanking - you have to work on some childish rage in order to grow up.
Sex with an Alien – Something unknown and uninviting in your life, needs to be faced, now! This dream can often represent the Occult and the need to see a priest or medium. How well do you know the people in your life?
Sex with a Leper – The dreamer is aware that part of him/herself is unclean. This type of dream can often signify that the dreamer is facing a moral dilemma.
Urination - in dreams suggests that there is some part of the dreamer that is used up and must be expelled. The power of a person is said to be contained in his excrement.
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Comment by katyzzz
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Luck must be on my side as I can never recall having any type of these dreams, and as you said before I am lucky. I guess it must be very confronting and worrying for a lot of people.
katyzzz
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
You are lucky indeed... as you say, I think many will not be as lucky and hopefully relate to a few of the above and find comfort. I can remember a dream of infidelity that left me feeling absolutely terrible - rejected and abandoned for days. Totally irrational, but there it was, now I know why and it fits the puzzle perfectly for what was going on at that time in my life...
Bryn,
mmm, that sounds like a nice sort of dream to me ... I have had them myself. Refer to kissing in both this post and previous one for some ideas .. .
You don't say whether this situation is known or unknown. When dealing with an obvious ‘unknown’ in dreams, it is about - what is hidden from us - or more accurately, that which we have deliberately made hidden from ourselves, by ourselves.
This may well be the 'Occult' = that is, knowledge which is only available to initiates.
Sometimes, it is about knowledge that we do not always need, only in times of great stress.
The hidden or Occult remains both unknown and unknowable, unless we have the courage to face it and pass tests, which we often do in our dreams.
The fact that this “unknown” is intensely sexual, is pure and simple and is a basic primeval urge for closeness and union with that ‘person.’ The fact that the ‘person’ is a stranger, or someone you ‘once knew but do not anymore,’ has a couple possibilities, both fascinating… if a little complex...
If you can imagine a universe of energy and atoms all whizzing about the place, where nothing is really solid … sometimes we meet people who are spiritually further awake (or evolved) than us. They help "wake" us in some way. Sometimes that is their entire purpose in our lives and they (and we) move on into other worlds, times and places.
Years later you may see that ‘old friend’ in a dream, when you least expect it. It is a signal that your own soul has reached a level of awareness of some kind – like an initiation is taking place. A matter of divine timing. Knowledge can be realsed to your inner being…
To dream of your old friend in this way, is to acknowledge that and by desiring a closeness to that ‘person,’ (which cannot be), as all parties have moved on, is ‘safe.’
No mistake, this dream appears, because an intense initiation is taking place, often because you have met another person to whom a new ‘level’ of consciousness now applies and can be released. The appearance of your old friend in your dream is often a 'symbol' to allow that ‘wake-up’ call to initiate.
More rarely, you hear of old friends actually meeting again after such dreams and things 'taking off,' because the time was right ... it is all a matter of destiny, fate, kismet, simply … perhaps, timing ... then this dream is purely precognitive.
The other reason : is that when you are intensely attracted to a ‘stranger’ in a dream, in this way, it is often a part of yourself that you are integrating, a part of yourself that has been abandoned, unknown or un-acknowledged up till now. The intensity in your dream that you feel, is your need to integrate, merge back into your being, and become one with it. This is often a dream one has as one begins to 'walk their talk' in life.
If you should find yourself in this dream with a person you currently know, then the dream is showing you clearly, that your inner being desires to get to know this person on a much more intimate level, especially if kissing them. If not, then the message is that your own inner desire is suggesting you take it slowly.
Quite a topic of discussion over breakfast..*lol* hope it illuminates things for you?
Lilla …
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Comment by Wendi
I think my favorite in this list was "buttocks" - translates quite literally to making an ass of yourself, eh? *LOL*
I saw kissing friends, enemies, and the mates of your friends, but didn't see anything about kissing strangers. Does that have significance as well?
Thanks for the post, Lilla. I tried to get here several times the other day, but kept getting pulled away for one reason or another.
W
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
I see what you’re saying on the literal meanings … I guess it’s because sexual urges are the most primal and transcend the spiritual – especially on the darker side of things?
Base Chakra is, as Base Chakra gets *lol*
I'm really glad you enjoyed reading the translations and found them informative - hope this post helps you (and others) for many years to come, when those weird things happen – on and off…*chuckle*
Hope all’s well, it’s raining here like there’s no Manyana…
*hugs*
Lilla …
PS tried visiting you too, during the week but had so much trouble, will try again this afternoon, as the "Orble-wobble" seems to have righted itself again?
Wendi check the previous post for mosre kissing alternatives, there's a few there that may relate?
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
For years everyone thought I was the sex queen - I had lovers wrapped around me, my first love interest, we'll call him boyA, once walked 3 hours through pouring rain just because I told him to. After my breakdown at 20 Ive realized my early sex life was all about power, and nothing to do with pleasure or intimacy. There is a very good chance I was sexually abused as a child - but Im afraid it could be a 'fake memory' since I only thought of it after a psychiatrist mentioned it. boyA became abusive late into the relationship, trying to kill me with knives, holding me down to brand me with his lighter. I was raped on my 19th birthday by his best friend while boyA watched (in glee)from the bushes. Since I was sleeping with both of them before that date, I never told anyone.
I interpret dreams for others and use tarot and meditation, but at the moment I feel Im walking around in a fog. Every night I used to have a vivid and meaningful dream, now I barely remember them, I just wake up feeling like Ive been running marathons. The last one I remember clearly was a few weeks ago, Id love to know what you make of it.
I was living in a tall building that looked exactly like an office block but was, actually, an exclusive apartment block. Lots of people lived there but the layout was of offices not apartments - aka everyone could see out their glass walls, the hallways were full of rushing people and all doors were open. I particularly remember the fake potted plants. I went into my room which had its vertical blinds closed - no light, no glass walls there. I closed my door, so I was utterly alone, and had a shower. I came out in a towelling robe and there was boyA(often in my nightmares -he is the one thing on this earth that terrifies me to paraslysis. You know what a fighter I am) He just said "How are ya K?" like he always does and gave me this crocodile smile, and said - "its time" he threw himself on me, as if he expected me to just give up, but I fought him like crazy, even though I was underneath him and only in a robe everytime he got both my hands and went to undo his pants Id get a hand free and fight like hell! I wasnt even worried - I was laughing at him. "did you really think Id just give up? Did you really think Id just give in?"
The dream shifted - which made perfect sense at the time - suddenly I was sitting on a sliver of beach and the tide was coming in fast, but I wasnt going to move, I was crying, very serenely, not in the bawling, screaming way I usually do it. Just sitting there with tears sliding down my cheeks very calmly, the headlands towering over me. A young man walked up - I didnt know him, but he bore a very strong resemblance to a boy I ALMOST cheated with, we had a strong connection, but I stayed true to my current man and havnt spoken to him in a long time. Anyway he walks up, and on my right hand, all on the one finger(next to pinky) appear five amazingly worked rings. rose gold, yellow gold and white gold adorn them all, with little balls, pentgrams, hearts, spirals, all sorts of things, on all of them, incredibly delicate and beautiful. Somehow next Im flying over a road and a park, looking for the boy - did he give me the rings? Is he my true love? He surely comforted me, and I want it back. Since I dont want to go back to the office building apartment block(boyA could still be there) I try to fly back to the beach - and wake up. My last memory of the dream is walking on sand.
I feel very inadequete when it comes to sex. I KNOW it should be great and beautiful and enjoyable, I watch my animals going nuts and look around at the majority of the human race obsessed with it, but I just cant grab the urge. It feels like the worst punishment of all to me, I could be writing or painting or playing with my animals, the last thing I want is a heavy sweaty man body on me! My man thinks sex = love, so we are having some problems. I usually 'fake it' without drama, but Im beginning to resent him big time for asking me at all.
I consider myself bi, but I have never, ever once, even at very young ages, fantasized about men. All my early sexual feelings were about girls, I jumped on the male band wagon cos everyone else was doing it, and I didnt want to be weirder than I already was! I called myself bi because my current man used to get a lot of attraction and intimacy out of me - before the breakdown. Since then nothing. Im worried I might be gay, and repressing it.
Sorry to blab...I know your not my councillor! Ive had enough of them and their - "and how did that make you feel?"
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Kleo, I feel exhausted from that purge of yours.
I feel for you.
Hope things work out.
I'm not a dream interpreter, but I reckon it's a safe assumption you have some serious psychogical issues regarding sex and intimacy and much of that is being held in check by repressed memories ....
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
Give me a few days to have a look at your dream, see what I can come up with...sometimes the most complex dreams realte to the simplest things...
Lilla
Bryn,
...nice to see you... new 'body parts' post coming here soon...
;o)
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
i'm intrigued ...
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Ive started talking really honestly with my man and thats a good start. Even if I complain(like all women) he really is genuine in his love for me and we are making progress.
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Communication is paramount to good lovin'!
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
your analysis? ... it's pretty good! But I'd like to add to it, perhaps go a bit deeper... (\no sarcasm intended here...okay?)
You are right about communication too, honesty comes easy to saggy-bottoms, but for many, to communicate honestly with someone across the table, and not just use them to find out what we are thinking we are thinking, people generally need to be able to open up the mind to communication with themselves first ... dreams are one of the best places I know to talk to our subconscious, to get 'in touch' ...
Orble (virtual space) is another great place as it allows the anonyminity of dreams ... which is again cathartic ... and brilliant!
but I digress...
;o)
Lilla~
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
At last I have a few minutes to dedicate to your analysis, please forgive the delay, it gets pretty hectic around my place sometimes and the past few weeks have been … unbelievable … at times, it’s felt like my life has been flushed down the crapper too *lol*
~
Now then the first thing I want to address is your comment :
Since you are already an initiate of the Tarot yourself, is a very good indication that you are also working on other levels besides this one… probably at night time, when you sleep. This is why you will wake up feeling like you haven’t slept at all sometimes.
You are not without power in this matter and must call on the Angels to grant you some ‘me’ time and tell them when you are tired and need a break. As you say, don’t get addicted to the power, it’s often what makes light workers obsessive compulsives… be careful… be kind and firm with yourself.
The Angels can schedule you some time away from your ‘-otherwordly-‘ activities.. okay? Your guide will intercede if needs be… I would not use the cards for a few days either… take a break, I know too well how you can become addicted and work too hard with the Tarot until it all becomes a huge muddle… you must take regular breaks least you become obsessive compulsive and disturbed, okay?
~
I don’t know if you realise it or not, but your dream is saying much of the same thing on one level – whilst dealing with deeper issues – on another…
~~ About you, how it is now ~~
Buildings in creams always signify the constructions we make in the waking life. The infrastructure of our waking worlds. They reflect the attitudes and beliefs we have built up around our own experiences and perceptions of them – often from our family habits and customs. The features of the building will mirror the features of the dreamer.
What’s immediately visible in your dream is a confusion in the construct itself. Because the first thing a dream interpreter does in interpreting a buildings is define it’s usage… yours is dual at the moment and I think you have already made allusions to the fact of feelings towards both sexes. There is nothing wrong with this, if it is natural to you, is there? Do not look outside of yourself here for validation... If it is true to you, then you should learn to accept yourself as you are and become happy with it.
Tall buildings represent the personality and the soul within, sometimes masculinity. In general, windows represent our view of the world and how we perceive ourselves. Having glass walls in your building, indicates that you have difficulties with perception.
Do you sometimes feel naked even when you are clothed?
A guilt where there should be none?
A hallway in a dream simply represents the passages within the body Kleo. Having people running all over your hallways, means you may be feeling that you were too sexually liberal in your past. That is nothing new.
Do you feel overcrowded, like everyone is crashing “your space?”
Note: you may be contacting incarnate victims from lower planes, that you cannot deal with just yet, until you have integrated your rape and the trauma associated with the attack from your partner. This may eventually be your life’s work Kleo, but you suffered a terrible betrayal, whichever way you want to look at it and I hope he is well and truly out of your waking life?
The way forward to resolution for you ...in claiming that power ..) lies in the fake potted plant. *lol* It threw me for a while, but I soon discovered that it is the key to your dilemma and symbolises the need for *humour* in the situation. The ability to detach, to forgive, to look on the silly side of your experiences. Delving deeply into them and finding the blessing in them. As plants in dreams symbolise growth and change, you can see where you are stagnated by a “fake plant” that cannot grow. You must let go of it a little bit Kleo, no matter the pain.
You may find reading my poem on Grief and Acceptance helpful. (link provided), but I those blinds represent that the worst is behind you, because you can switch the blinds shut when you need privacy, too? Something you couldn’t do before. Just before you are not trying to shut everything out. It is not the way forward, but I understand you needing time off from the whole mess sometimes. Hence you have the luxury of those blinds.
~~ Interlude … going deeper … looking at the cause of the problem ~~
Doors in dreams relate specifically to openings of the body. Opening and closing doors often relates to sexual intercourse and our attitudes towards it. In your building they are all open, but here – on this level – it is closed. Shut!
Not surprising considering the intruder that shows latter, however before then you showering indicates (and confirms) your need to cleanse some old feelings, the need to relax, to let go. We now have the opportunity to contemplate what has happened in the past and to adopt new attitudes.
Being alone and aware of it in dreams means being alone, single or isolated in certain circumstances. Loneliness can be experiences as a positive or negative state but is often highlighted for us to recognise whether it is positive or negative.
In your case it is still registering as negative because it is when your intruder appeared again. An intruder in dreams always highlight our human consciousness of our personal space. Here is an obvious threat, compounded by a physical attack (again), highlighting your fear of being under threat from external events … or is it now only internal emotions.
Has the real threat disappeared, but the emotional one still threatening you?
Unknown impulses and ideas may be forcing you into taking a defensive attitude. The struggle is indicative of your own struggles with these emotions.
~~ Finding the Solution ~~ The ingenious human psyche ~~
Withdrawing from the huge emotions (the sea), you find a small shallow beach to relax a little while, as you figure things through . But the tide is coming, you know the emotions will return and can easily engulf and drown you.
But you have a little while to cry and cleanse and heal, and you take it. Well Done. Sand and sea together indicate a lack of emotional security... that is now the loss you mostly cry over..
Enter the Hero to rescue you. Symbolically this man you know is here telling you that your own logic is your true saviour from warped misconceptions and mis-perceived reality.
The Hero is the 'man' who has elected to undertake his own journey of exploration. He is able to consider options and decide his next more (as can your rational mind). He will rescue the damsel in distress, but only as part of the growth process, not before.
~~Divine Intervention ~~ A Message from angels ~~~
The Ring finger is indicative of self image and self esteem and part of the answer lies in the Number 5. This number carries a special message which is; develop the adventurous vivacious, courageous side of your nature. The Esoteric symbolism of the five is all about the five sense and the human body, it’s about your percetions again and the message from the 5th Angel?
A positive change id coming up for you - look especially to new friendships that help you grown int he areas you need most..
Gold in dreams is a symbol of the most valuable aspects of ourselves. Finding gold or being given a gift of gold suggests these qualities are within us. They are the gifts you7 have been given. Gifts of good health, adventurousness, vivaciousness, courage and sympathy. You must dig deep now to find them.
The patterns you must follow, the patterns of perfection that will guide you in your life’s work.
Spirals – a perfect path of your evolution
Star – Hopes, aspirations and ideals. Those things we must reach for.
Spheres – The perfection and completion of all that we have started. (This is relating to you work with tarot, dreams, astral planes, your ‘light-work’ work)…
~~The conclusion of the new information ~~ A Way Forward~~
Flying in dreams represents many levels of interpretation. The most basic is a better sexual awareness… right up to joining a ‘soul group’ of like minded individuals, who are also light workers in their own right *hint,* there are a few in Orble *lol*…
Flying is liberating and means you have magical powers to help you heal others, as you heal yourself.. flying over the road signifies the direction one has decided to take in life.
Are you sure you are following the road, because you want to and not because family, boyfriend and society want you to?
Why not fly across the fields a while and take time to decide? This may be what you are searching for, the right way to share it with a special person.
It’s obvious the current “building” is not suitable. The Who that You are, does not fit the bill and you don’t want to go back there.
As I said, you are in a huge stage of growth at this moment Kleo, and I suggest you take as much time as you need to sort it through… don’t let anyone – particularly a warped perception of “Normal” push you along… not now, not when you’ve just found your wings again…
Walking in dreams indicates the way we should be walking forward in life and the sand?
Sand in a dream suggests instability and lack of security. Obviously two of the areas your inner-core message suggest you need to work on.
~~ ENDS~~
I find your second last paragraph interesting about having to have sex, and again I feel that you are being coerced into thinking you must have it… who is asking you to be involved with anyone?
Who is suggesting you are this way or that way?
Is it perhaps just something you can use like a security blanket, right now?
What is you could cultivate courage to venture out alone for a while, to admire beauty in human form as well as animal and vegetable and mineral? To be able to sit with your own feelings on sexuality in order to do so… to make friends of both sexes, this side of sexual interaction?
To just be, and learn to be comfortable in your own skin again, whatever shade or hue it may be… take the time to find out, properly.
The hardest part is to ask yourself, what was within me, that drew such an awful situation into my life in the first place?
My guess is that you are testing yourself for big things and without such experiences to humble you? You cannot handle power properly without solid hard experience, especially if you have a lot of personal power to bring through …
The prognosis : Is that you are really on your way to healing and writing here on orble is fast tracking things along... enormous changes taking place...
I hope that provides some food for thought for you Kleo.. and my very deepest sympathies are with you as you claw your way back… I understand where you are coming from…
Lilla ~
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou....Can I say it enough? The problem with me is that I KNOW but sometimes I need to throw the pieces out and have someone older and wiser line them up for me, and then I see things I didnt see, and understand better what I thought I already knew.
Firstly, I have known for a long time I cannot use the cards. My old set, a very basic set, I have not used in months, and my new set, with faery symbols, are extremely powerful, and Im not even going to attempt to use them until I know I can control them. I know things could go very badly if I do not use them properly, so I just hold them, talk to them, read about them, get to know them, but I dont try to use them yet.
(get disturbed? I already am!
GUILT - A major one for me. I always feel guilt over SOMETHING, due to Catholic upbringing, drilled into me by mum and priests(church was on school grounds) I always feel like any bad thing that happens - anywhere - has something to do with me not repenting my sins. But what ARE my sins? I dont really believe in 'sins' anymore, I believe everything has its place, good and bad, in the universe, but for that, I feel guilty. Even when I actively try to move away, still, there is guilt.
MY SPACE - My boyfriend and mum and friends believe Im free as a bird, not working, I must be having a ball. But the day is so full of 'stuff' that I dont get any time to write or paint. There is just no time at all to let my mind still like it used to, for the really inspired stuff to come through. Just when I start to feel still, something explodes and I have to go fix it.
IS HE OUT OF MY LIFE? - Yes, but thats complex. We were 'linked' we used to be able to find each other with our spirit bodies, dream about each other easily, he has a wild talent that is uncontrolled. Usually, a dream would mean he was 'looking' for me. And there were very twisted aspects to our relationship, we hurt each other a lot. Both of us were trying to prove pain had no power over us. My current man enabled me to make the final break about 7 years ago, Ive seen him once since in a public place but we didnt speak. I now live somewhere he wont easily find me, but appearing in the dream, to me, means he must have thought of me. At least this time it didnt follow his script....
LET GO - always a mystery to me. I find it impossible to let go of anything - I fill my life with 'new' things, months later I'll find Ive left something behind without realizing it.
Yes, close to the core now - I have no real reason to be afraid anymore, yet I am more afraid now, in a safe situation, than I was then in danger. I do not conciously recognise painful troubles - no wonder I wake up tired!
Definitely grieving over my loss of emotional security.
Interesting that the 'hero' was not my boyfriend! The man in the dream bore strong resemblance to (but was not) the only male who has ever understood anxiety and depression and the symptoms I have - The only male ever to EMPATHIZE. Not knowing this guy too well, its easy to romantisize him into something he isnt - bet you if I got to know him he'd have just as much emotional baggage as my man!
Im glad you say I have my wings again...Took time! The path is unclear, but I thankyou for giving a guiding ray of hope.
Heres the hard part. Like I said, me and Kman have been together 7 years. When I went off the deep end oct 2002 he was the ONLY one who stuck by me through numerous suicide attempts(drugs, cliffs, busy roads you name it I did it) apparently I ranted madly and tried to kill HIM when he prevented me from killing myself! Its all lost time to me, until jun2004, when I got a job, and somehow managed to 'return to life'. I always feel sex is part of my 'duty' even if we're not married yet, and to deny him is just cruel. Sometimes when Im ovulating, I work him like a stud horse, but thats only about 3 times a year! The rest of the time I look at sex contemptously - and thats what I want to change! He was so hot to me 6 years ago - why did he let himself go so badly? I want him to lose weight and get fit like I did, Ive tried everything(gentle encouragement, shock therapy, nagging, exercising with him) he always just gives up "its too hard" so, I dont feel he deserves sex. Man, what a twisted mess! Ive just realized - its not sex, its HIM. Im trying to punish him but not look like Im punishing him! Jesus. Well, thats one problem solved! If he looked like he did 7 years ago then we'd probably be in bed as much as we were then - God, could it really be that simple?
Im always asking, what did I do to cause this? Its part of my guilt complex too. Ive learned not to ask questions I dont want answered, like "How do you know your insane? How is it different to sane?" Been there! Done that! The universe always provides the hardest answer....
Yes, yes, I agree. To be let loose with the power but without the lessons I could easily be a monster....I am always thankful when I learn something, even if it hurts. I wish Kman felt the same...He bolts from pain, refuses to learn...I suppose what Im really asking now is, how can I get him to face up to life? Hes too old to keep running like this.
Once again, thankyou for giving me hope and helping me to see the way clearer....I dont know what I would do without you!
And its frustrating, because I believed the 'clawing' part was over way back in 2004 when my soul found its way back to a ruined body and began to rebuild a life....when does that part end?
For how long must I transform, until I finally am the goal?
Maybe I should figure out the goal first.
Thankyou Lilla.
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
I am thrilled that you managed to get something out of the interpretation... I think you will find things easier from hereon in.
Thank you very much for the feedback,
come back anytime...
Lilla ~
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
I meant to do a post on it today, but havnt had time, tomorrow I will.
I cant thank you enough. I had another crazy dream last night, but it was vivid, memorable, I was able to write it down straight away.
You know the 7 year itch? its no joke! June this year my man and I will be on 7 years! We've felt like we were at war....Last night, communication opened like Waragamba dam after a rainfall! It was amazing....We rediscovered each other. Im all starry eyed in love again....Feel like skipping and singing love songs.....
Thankyou Lilla.
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
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Sorry for the delay - I'm not getting notifications, still!
That sounds wonderful!!!!!!!!!
Dreams certainly have the power to unlock the parts of ourselves we would otherwise not notice. I think they help us realise that we are ultimately in control...
Much warmth to you both...
Lilla ...
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
It was weird to read this today, because it was only like two days ago I was lying in bed with Kman thinking how I absolutely love every single inch of him....
All the pressure and intensity has just gone - we are just comfortable again. I cant imagine feeling like I did above.
Dreams are all over the place though, and Im still not keen on using those cards.
Comment by Wendi
Such wise words...
Appreciating your wisdom...
W
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
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Why thank you for your lovely compliment ...
Lilla ...
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
It sounds like you are allowing yourself to work through the 'next layer' of suppressed emotions?
The new blog may be an indication of the begining of that process... take your time working through the set of symbols this 'next level' contains. If you note things down, you will certainly start to notice a set pattern... and new 'things' (conditions, people, circumstances/opportunity) enetering your waking world.
The two will remain linked in some way, your job to find it...
You can PM me some of the details you can talk about, if you like.
This sounds exciting to me...like psychic housecleaning...*llol*
Lilla ...
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
I find it ironic that after like 10 years of talking to counsellors, I finally know what to say, but Im still too scared to say it....At least I REALIZE it now....Before I couldnt even find the problem....Now I know what I need to talk about, just got to get up the courage to SAY it.
My catchcry?
"Dont die of embarassment!"
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
I just read this post through again and noticed things I never even saw before. Particularly,
Still not healing though. Too angry. But the angry is mixing with all kinds of things. Im glad I could come back and read this post with new eyes - I got so much more out of it now.
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
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That is truly wonderful news.
I so often re-read things myself here and there and am always amazed at how far 'we can travel' in one year...
I am thrillied you can see progress in your own journey away from darkness.. wonderful.
Lilla ...